July 30, 1978
7:00 p.m .
poetry by Michael F. Nyiri
"The Truth Will Out" Cathy poem
Sit down alone with the stereo
off
Listen to the multifaceted sound
created by the mind to fool the soul
Ponder, the soul doesn't exist
The mind doesn't exist
The truth was always escaping
Because the truth doesn't exist
Yes
The unattainable love force
has always
been avoiding me
and
I've been lifting the lids off of
garbage cans for a long time.
True
I attach this label to different
girls as time goes on
True
I seem to strive for suffering
I seem to want to suffer
Yet
I also want to be happy
Yet
I can't be - Everyone criticizes.
Everyone...
I'm not right--
I'm not in touch --
I'm imperfect--
But my mind speaks out silently
Screaming that I'm right
Everyone else is wrong
Of course this is foolishness
I've got to be wrong
Reality always has the right face card
showing and I always have
to pay the house it's due
The house always wins
That's how the system works.
True
I never liked the system
I never liked the mindfu*king
and the bulls*it and the
lies and the backstabbing...
I never like to hear bad news
so I hardly ever open the mailbox
But
Time does no favors to those
who wait
(And oft-used cliche but apt thinking)
What do 25 years mean when
taken as a whole.
Do I want to be sucked in?
Or
Do I want to control the situation.
There are ways
Subtle ways
Where you can control the situation
and nobody will know you're doing it
But
That's bulls*it
And I hate bulls*it
I'm an impatient motherfu*ker
I can wait for love forever
Because it doesn't exist.
I can strive for the truth
Because it doesn't exist.
My poor mother was right
when she said "your mouth
will get you in trouble" not because
she had genius. She simply spoke
from experience.
I can say "I don't care"
But that's bulls*it
I do care
I care about everything
I care what people think of me.
But
Nobody ever stops to think
What I might think of them.
And the big question is
(of course)
What the fu*k is anybody here for?
And if I listen to everybody
Where does that leave me??
I've often written
"I assume too much (as usual)"
It's getting to be a tired cliche
But
It's true
We only really know from what we
examine and what we hear.
And sometimes I will go over it
and over it and over it and know
I'm right although I'm told I'm
dead wrong.
But that's the system
and no opne can fool the system
unless you beat it from the inside
And this
I
have
to
learn.
copyright 2005 Michael F. Nyiri
