August 28, 1978
6:40 p.m .
poetry by Michael F. Nyiri
"I'm Not Mad" Cathy poem
I'm not mad, I'm not
I've got to quell the feeling.
Sometimes it just gets too hard
and the tears flow endlessly
I want to explode
To scream
To rip open the heavens
I joke about suicide
I joke about nervous breakdowns
I slosh beers down my throat
in order to forget everything
But it's just me
I can't help it
I can't stop the pain in my heart
It keeps on coming back
I'm not mad
Try a bit of self-evaluation
I keep asking questions about myself
while I give enlightened answers
to everybody else
God grant me serenity
Rip this love from me if it is
never to be fulfilled
I CAN'T STAND IT ANYMORE
Let me hate her
Let the situation reverse
Let he** break loose
I don't care
I've got to do something
There's two men on base
and only one more out left
in the inning
It won't be him
He's a strong runner
He controls the situation he's in
It'll be me
I hope the out ball hits me in the
head
I hope it either kills me
or...
Cathy, this could've been wonderful
A carefree, casual relationship
But I can't discount love
It rules me - I don't control
the feeling which prompts my tears
I've got to have it all
It would be so beautiful
"Two as One"
But it'll never be
Why
I'm not mad
I'm not mad
I'm not.
copyright 2005 Michael F. Nyiri
