"n. A Strong and Deep Feeling of..." 1973: poetry by Michael F. Nyiri

Little boys on rusted junglegyms asking questions
Do you really hear bells when you kiss?
Funny emotions cluttered heads cleaning house
Telling stories "She's my girlfriend" writing
letters masking feelings to ease the pain
I see her yes I say I love her lights 
get crossed I remember yesterday what
did I really feel for Kathy? Can I remember
lights get crossed music's playing I hear
Gordon Lightfoot singing do I feel that
way for Emma too?
Watching out of the corner of my eye
I glimpse what I call love in the embodiment
of Emma Sue I tell her everything but
then I think is this love? is this 
love? is this love? What the heck of
course what else can it be kissing
in the dark writing long poems crying 
for her silently.
Emma replies no I don't love you but
I like you yes I like you friend she
tells me friend I recite love you love you
no just friends close friends love
means marriage I wonder what is love?
do I have love? is this what I felt 
for Kathy?
Everything comes back to Kathy
remembering her eyes her hair sitting  
high upon unattainable pedestal while 
I grope for love from other's trying
to forget unwarranted pain meeting 
Emma saying dear I love you
Don't love me she cries gingerly holding herself
inside saying everybody can tell what I'm 
thinking look into my eyes I kiss her I 
tell myself she's secretly saying I love you
too she says I want you as a friend
not a lover friend I say I want you
as a lover all the time thinking is
this what I felt for Kathy? do I love
her after all.
Both of us will never realize what this love
is yes I believe I love her person and she
loves mine won't admit it but of course
neither do I in my mind I don't admit it
in my mind I say I've forgotten about 
Kathy yet I still write her poems in 
my mind.
My mind I don't know about my mind Emma
says she is confused she is confused I worry
too although I don't admit I wonder what
will happen if I do not get my scholarship
next year my life will stop my future
changed I'm confused I know what it 
means I deny it I believe Emma she's
confused she doesn't know the meaning
of love meaning of love neither do I.
I feel it in her kiss love I feel it 
alone at night thinking about her love
I'll say I'll lose my love for Emma's sake
but still I trick my heart love for
Emma love and she says she feels something
deep for me love but she says it
isn't love love then I think and realize
what if it isn't love do I make a big
thing out of nothing is there love
at first sight or do I even know 
what love means.
Bells are ringing music is playing little boys
are forgotten Kathy is forgotten love is
actually forgotten as we gaze into each 
other's eyes I look into Emma's eyes I 
see emotion I feel emotion she says
she has "deep feelings" I say I have
"deep feelings" I call them love for lack
of a better definition.
I like these feelings even though they 
make me cry at night I wonder what is
love what is love while I bet Emma too
is wondering what is love is love Mike or
is love Joe or is love him or him or
Dave McCall or what I don't know we
grab at our iniquities calling names into
the wind yes I believe I invented love
for Kathy I never even knew Kathy 
as a close friend so why do I fear
friendship what is friendship will I define
friendship as we try to define love?
All I know is Emma makes me feel different
from what I feel around other girls I know
I can talk to her I think I know I'd be 
happy with her with me let's use convention
no I know I say I hate convention
but to save face I don't care what we 
shall call these feelings but let's say
you are my girlfriend I'm you boyfriend
look I'm using the word friend after all
just friends Emma I wonder if
she feels different when around me
than she feels toward other guys
like this Joe for instance I wonder
we try to grasp the meaning of life
through words called poetry I've said
nothing what is love? life? why? I look
back and one word is on my mind now
Emma