"The
Cancerboy Diaries: Entry the Ninth"
Poetry by Michael F. Nyiri
07/10/08 4:17 a.m. pdt
The first
years were the best
The hair didn't fall out
Nauseating nihilism kept it's distance
Nobody really could tell you were sick
I begged you then to come with me
On trips, to breakfast, somewhere
anywhere
The first few chemotherapies seemed okay
No problems that you couldn't solve
I kept asking you to accompany me
to concerts, walking tours, hikes
And you kept interest
until the last minute
as usual
The last minute finally arrived
This year has been the worst
And doubtless the next few years
how ever many there are to be
will be worse and worse
and only memory will serve to show that
the first years were the best
Now
You're wasting away
Only 130 pounds
Can't eat, can't sleep
Sometimes you can't even keep your pills down
Fifth chemotherapy was
temporarily cancelled
because of the pain
The whites of the eyes become yellow!
The bile piled up
and couldn't secrete
so a trip to Emergency for tests
showed a blockage
hopefully non cancerous
but at this point it might even be moot
A stent
alleviates the blockage
A respite from impending death
For the time being at least
A bowl by
your side to
catch the cancerous spittle
as your stomach wars with you
You have to ask for trips
to the bank or the pharmacy
because you can hardly walk anymore
The first
years were the best
I hope you cherish those early years
before the emaciation advanced so badly
that it pains me to look at you now.
We're planning
for the eventuality now
At last
As this year, the worst, passes into history
A pained history for the books
A partial history of soul wrenching agony
You are finalizing your estate
for your heirs
You are aware that
the best years have passed
and the worst is yet to come
but it's pretty bad now
I will help you as much as I can
During this most difficult time in your short life
As long as it lasts.
Poetry
2008
