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North by Northwestern Alliance Captures Kunduz, War Almost Over

 
Sun, Nov 25 09:53 AM PST
By MICHAEL F.NYIRI, ripped from today’s headlines.
 

BANGI, Afghanistan (HS) – According to somewhat reliable sources it was reported Saturday in the besieged city of Kunduz, that thousands of ex-Taliban forces turned tail and joined up with the invading Northern Alliance troops who were driving through the city. Thousands more fled in disgrace, stopping only to bow to Mecca a couple of times on their way out of town.

Alliance commanders had said they expected the Taliban command to complete the surrender of the city by Monday under a deal negotiated in recent days.

The Northern Alliance has now commandeered about seventy to eighty percent of the country, and is beginning to practice ethnic cleansing on the former Taliban fighters.

“We’re slaughtering everybody,” said Al Muhammed et BeansforBreakfast Su Dada, “Most everyone with a long beard and a turban is suspect. They’re all bin Laden’s men, and some of his women. Rape and plunder are the order of the day!”

Mohammed Moquack, the commander of Hippy Hippy Shake Muslim forces in the alliance, said late Saturday that about 1000 foreigners had been taken prisoner or beheaded and brought to the alliance-held northern city of Omar-e-Sharif.

On the eastern front, hundreds of Taliban soldiers - caked in choking tan dust - poured out of the city to the east atop tanks, pickup trucks ,taxis, and what donkey carts haven’t been destroyed by American bombs..

They were greeted by their northern alliance enemies with handshakes and shouts of "Welcome!"

Amid the chaotic scene, it was impossible to verify the numbers of fighters who had surrendered. Alliance commanders said the number had climbed to more than 1,000 by sunset, and 2000 a few minutes after that.

"We gave up to the northern alliance. They are our brothers and sisters," said Shah Hiccup bin Whazzup, a former Taliban fighter who is now a diehard Northern Alliancer.

Some of the Taliban kept their weapons and joined the northern alliance ranks, preparing to attack the foreigners who had lived with them inside the Taliban's last northern stronghold. Those foreigners seemed intent on fighting to the end.

The United States has strongly hoped that these turban clad, dust covered fighters wouldn’t really take over the country. After all, we’re supposedly friendly with Pakistan, who opposes putting the Northern Alliance.in power.

Meanwhile, a U.S. official who asked that his name not be used reported Friday that the northern alliance might be making its move toward the Taliban's last remaining area of control, in the south, at Afghani Disneyland.

Advance elements of an alliance force have entered Helmand province, just to the west of the Taliban base of Kandahar, the official said.

No reports originating in Afghanistan could be confirmed.

Former boyhood friends Mazar-al-abu-
Bahammad and Moadib bin Hahalalabad
 el Mohammed, who up until a couple of
 days ago were fighting on opposite
 sides, find themselves in the back of a
 truck headed for Kunduz. “All of what’s
 left of Kunduz is under my control”, 
said Bahammad.
click here for full size photo

World News of the World

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