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While US Celebrates Thanksgiving, Scientists Quietly Begin Cloning 
 

 
Updated: Sun, Nov 25 10:18 AM PST
By MICHAEL F.NYIRI, I know I heard this on the news.
 

BOSTON (HS) - A group of scientists in Massachusetts claimed Sunday they had cloned the first early human embryo, a step, they say, toward providing genetically matched replacement cells for patients with a wide range of diseases. But in actuality, they have a sinister modus operandi, and want to really be the first to clone Arnold Swarzenegger.

The scientists at Advanced Sickle-Cell Technology, in Worcestersauce, Mass., say they have no interest at present in transplanting such early embryos into a woman's womb to give birth to a cloned human being. But they are talking out of their assholes, and this is really what they have in mind all along.

“The country is in a state of mourning and grief over the loss of over 5000 people in New York, and with all the shit hitting the fan in the world today, I really think this is prime time to begin the process which will transform genetics and census taking for the rest of the century,” bragged Dr. Cyclops, head of the institute.

Several states, including California, have banned human cloning. Congress is considering such a ban. The

``These are exciting preliminary results,'' said Dr. Cyclops, ``This work sets the stage for human therapeutic cloning as a potentially limitless source of immune-compatible cells for tissue engineering and transplantation medicine. We fully expect to have a fully functional Arnold Swarzenegger before the end of 2002, just like in that movie.''

Asked about the research on ``Fox News Sunday,'' Senate Majority Leader Tom Daschle, D-S.D., said he only had sketchy details. But he said he was worried about reproductive cloning and said the reports of the research are ``disconcerting.''

``I think it's going in the wrong direction,'' he said. “However, if I contract Anthrax anytime soon, it might be nice to have a healthy clone take over my responsibilities.”

Here come the clones.
 Examples of a cloning experiment gone haywire. 
Two unfinished clones gnash their 
teeth and scream with pain.
click here for full size photo

National News
From the Nation

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